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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The library of bathroom

....Soekarno, that Javanese King, could stay some hours in the bathroom because he was very found of reading..... ( His former private bodyguard )

Iqra ! Read ! That was the first command of Allah SWT to Great Prophet Muhammad trough Jibril the foremost angel. It was great command as Muhammad was unliterary man. This great man would be the perfect mirror to all humankind later on. As we all know, literary rank used as a tool to show how advance the country is.

...reading is fun even you are in the middle of your natural
just try it out !...
You can read everywhere, in the bus, bus stop, bus station, but among all bathrooms is the finest place. The idea is, if you get something out from your body (shit), you must get something in as well (knowledge). You can forget all your problems while you are in the bathroom. The dream bathroom is the one with a library within...

I have a dirty library-bathroom as on the up wall there laid many books, newspapers and any magazines I have read. Soekarno is not the only one; my brothers in law like to read while they shit. They like to read Intisari Magazine, collection of my father in law. Definitely all those magazines laid in a mess; it makes my mother in law going mad...

"Men, can not do something tidy..."

What so interesting in reading while shitting? It’s a little hard to explain, at least you can imagine to anywhere you like without going to go to there If I were in the middle of reading "Dibawah Bendera Revolusie" ( under revolutionary flag ) as if I were in Tjimahie district and asked to the peasant, Marhaen !

The art of reading....

"Hey brother, do you work on your own land ? "
"No Sir, this is owned by my landlord "
"What about the tools ?"
"Those are all mine..."
" Then whose bulls are those ?"
"Those are mine as well..."

Ever since that time the Marhaenism was born, actually it is a branch of sosio-communism.

That is the sound of the releasing shit, and it makes you aware that you are still in the middle of shitting room.

Sometimes I have an idea that reading is just like drugs, it is addicted. Why is that so ? If I have my shitting time without any readings, it makes me nervous like don’t know what to do. It is just like an addiction right ? But this addiction is a good addiction indeed, it is better than smoking.

But still you have to aware, that you must to know the different between toilet paper and magazine paper. You can imagine if they both are exchanged each other, your reading collections soon will be shitty-smell. It is no funny at all if your bath room-Library is full of shitty-smell. No gain but pains, as you have to live with that shitty-smell...........

I shit, I read, and I wash

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Biological MSG of Madame Loso

One day at the dining room of King Dewata Cengkar, King of The Giant Kings, said "It is my best dinner ever, it was very delicious therefore asks the chef to stand before me...."
"I aye sir..."

After several minutes...

"I come before you your majesty..."
"Hey you are the chef ?"
"I am your majesty...." he started to thrill...
"Today your cuisine is delicious, more delicious than before, tell me your special recipes ?"
"Please forgive me your majesty I could not tell the secret recipes of mine to you your majesty..."
"Do not ever lie to me !" the King started to get mad..."if you did not add some special recipes why it can be different in taste than before ?"
"I pledge my word to you your majesty I didn’t add any special receipes whatsoever...but..."
“But what bastard ?"
"I mean…I mean please forgive me your majesty, I cut my finger tips accidentally when I cut the onion, and my blood poured to your cuisine your Majesty..."

...After that day, The Giant King Dewata Cengkar must be served with blood-added cuisine to his daily menus, even later he wanted the human-flesh also; eventually he became a real cannibal.... ( The story of Ajisaka, the founder of Javanese fonts )

I experienced the same with King Dewata Cengkar did. It happened when I was going to a hiek, hiek is a Javanese small food and drinks vendor around Solo Regency. This habit came from The King Pakubuwono VIII. This Javanese King (might be inspired by Louis XVI) was very fond of eating. Every night he visited all the restaurants, cafes and any places that provided delicious foods....

...the taste of Saliva who will think it is going to add some delicioustaste...?
One of the famous hiek was The Madame Loso’s. She was old enough, white hair and wore the Javanese traditional costume, kemben. This hiek was nearby my house, most of the time I went to that place. This hiek has their special menus like the lemon drinks; the taste was far different with other hiek recipes. The sweet and sour taste was just match with my tongue, which was why I wondered with its secret recipes.

Madame Loso....

With all my parents prayers I did the honored duty, to find out the secret recipes of Madame Loso’s lemon drinks. I would do it by all means. I started to visit Madame Loso’s hiek more frequent, became twice a week. After a full month I kept my eyes on Madame Loso behaviors. Finally, I got the conclusion. I was sure enough to say that it would give us a big shock ! Because its secret recipes was on her saliva ! OMG…yes Oh…My...God ! Her saliva has made the lemon drinks became tasteful, but why ?

I could tell you the secret; every time we asked her for lemon drinks, she got the dirty mop to clean the cups first. Madame Loso herself has the abnormal teeth, it was too long to bear by her mouth, therefore the saliva just poured directly from her mouth, and the bad news was; it almost could not be stopped ! Therefore, the mixed of saliva and all bacteria in the dirty mops was served in our lemon drinks. That was it ! I, koeaing, revealed the biggest mystery of the ages !

The conclusion was; that saliva stuffs worked as the MSG worked to your cuisines. It was just like the biological MSG. Madame Loso might be the grand grand grand grand daughter of The King Dewata Cengkar’s chef, whose blood and sweat could turn that giant King became a cannibal. However, if you often give your bad words to tasteless cuisine of your mother, or wife, you don’t have to worry anymore. Just add some of your sweat, saliva or even blood to the cuisine, it might be delicious, depends on the quality of your sweat, saliva or blood. Maybe you are the grand grand grand grand children of The King Dewata Cengkar’s chef. Who knows ?

Koeaing !
The Aristocratic Midas

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