The Story of Red Hot Chili Lips

What do you do when you are in the middle of the day, during fasting month and you are thirst and hungry to death ? Sleeping ? playing cards ? bathing ? What , bathing ? Yes, bathing, it can make your body fresher. Having a bath in the bathroom is just common, what if we add a little 'wild life' experience, let say we back to nature, having a bath in the river ? Sounds good to me. That was what I do, I liked to have a river-bath in the middle of the day during the fasting month. We can just named that river as 'kali kidul' or southern river, as this laid in the southern part of our kampong.

...the burning sensations has made koeaing fell down to a dry kalen which full ofmud...

To get there we must passed the rice field, a spooky kampong cemetery and the sugarcane plantation. The river was in the 'Lemah abang' village, or literally known as 'red land', we often shorten that village as 'mahbang' or 'mabang' only. That day just like previous fasting days, me and my two buddies agreed to have fun in the kali kidul. My buddies were Soerip Pitik Sobo Kebon Opo Hajo ? and Nardi Bebek.

Soerip had a thin body, yellow complexion, higher than average boys in his age, got a shiny and bold hair,and he never forget to bring his sleepers everywhere he may go. While bebek was the crowned prince of tofu kingdom company. Right after the dzhuhur prayer call, we went to the southern river. Of course we must trough the lemahbang village and then turned left trough the spooky kampong cemetery. In this cemetery field there was a duwet (jamblang) tree, maybe its age was hundred years, but still, it got enormous fruits.

But there was more, one tree called as Cacil tree, maybe it got a much more older than the duwet one, thousands years maybe, as it was as big as the Batavia Government Palace ! This tree was worshiped by the lemahbang villagers, we could see a lot of gifts to the gods under the cacil tree.

There was a vegetables field nearby the cemetery, various vegetables like long-beans,corn,chili, soy beans and ground nuts. What a fertile land ! There was a hut in the middle of the field. The simple field was constructed from bamboo and had its roof from sugarcane leafs known as rapak .You can say, right in the middle of the day, during a hot and dry fasting month, this hut looks like a palace in dreamland to us as children !

Because we were tired after went trough the rice field and cemetery, so we decided to have a little 'relaxing' in to the hut. Didn't take any longer, we were slept soon. Time passed, I had been slept for hours without even had a single dream ! Our Great Prophet Muhammad SAW once said ; better we sleep than talking about others as it could be lead to decreasing our fasting quality.

But I didn't realize at all that bebek has gone home, there left Soerip only. Actually even the sleeping-atmosphere surrounds, he couldn't sleep at all. So he got two sucks conditions, one buddy went home and the other fell asleep for hours, it drove him mad tough. He was scared to get me up from my sleep, but if he didn't do it, he was lonely without things to do ! We got a very good sayings about this situation, it calls as eating the simalakama fruits, if you eat it your dad is dead, but if you don't your mom will die, but we'll see later that Soeriep had his own decision actually, "I must get in the hell Koeaing up no matter what !"

Red Hot Chili peppers....

In the mean times, I was in the middle of my dream, I was in the middle of big heaven's palace, playing with gorgeous angels, but wait a minute, what is that ? I see a fire, it's getting bigger ! Yes, this fire has firing this palace in to a hell-fire !! I could feel the burn sensation in my body, skin an mostly my lips ! Lips ? Yes, my lips is ON FIRE ! How come ? Yes, the reality say so, not even my feet or hands but my lips ladies and gentleman !

I was panic wandering around to get the fire off my lips, don't ask me how I feel, hot, pain and agony mix in to one sensation ! Accidentally I saw a little pond with fresh water before my eyes, I thought that that was the most fresh things in this world, without even think anymore I ran and plunged in to those heavenly pond...Byuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrr....! Shit....! What the hell is it ? I was get up and found I've been fell down from the hut, plunged in to some dry kalen (little canal to give the fields water flow) with no water but full of mud !

I wiped my eyes around, I saw the fucking SOERIP was laughing at my bad luck ! damn bastard ! He was happy to see his buddy fell down, what a rude boy. But wait, If it was a dream only why my lips still burned ? It just like eating chili sauce without drinks for thousand years ! And what we see in Soerip's hand ? there he got one real big red hot chili, but only a half left for some bites !! My interrogation finally revealed the secrets, he used those red hot big chili to get me up after he tried several tricks before with no result at all !

Finally his tricky mind got an idea to wipe some chili to my lips from surrounding field ! Little bastard ! Therefore I got my lips but this was not a common lips but THE RED HOT CHILI LIPS !

Koeaing!
Mad about HOT sauce!

Cembengan Party

Ceng Beng. The Chinese culture,it is their habit to commemorate and honor their late ancestors’ souls. It is similar with Islamic grave pilgrimage. The Javanese calls it by Sadranan. Just like their elder brother, Chinese; they give their ancestors’ soul a gift, usually what they like when they were still alive, food-drink, and sometimes money if needed be. But I won’t tell about that instead I’d like to share with you all about cembengan.

...this cembengan is the most wanted moment ever to thepoors...

Cembengan naturally came from Chinese’s ceng beng habit, but I don’t know why the Javanese follow that habit and turn it to be some event similar with night festival. It usually held in the sugar plantation districts like Tasikmadu, Colomadu, Kertosono, Pemalang, Klaten and Surakarta, so when the sugarcane was about to be harvested, it means the sugar factory was about to commence their production cycle either. This moment was the most welcome one by peoples surrounding. They are very much excited knowing that this night festival --or widely known as cembeng-- soon will be held in a week full.

Older-younger, adult-children, west-east, Dutch-Chinese-Javanese, all attend to one party of first cycle production of this sugar factory. There is Tong setan (Devil Motor rider in a tong), and what the hell is that? The captured devil in Tong ( big wooden bucket) and be shown to visitors or what ? NOPE ! Tong Setan is a giant wooden bucket and there are two or more motorcycles and bikers inside. They race each other without any crash at all! This show was scary me to death when I was a child! Even when I hear its sound, it was similar with The Angry Zeus kicking his son butt, Hercules, vavoom !

And now let’s go to the next playground, komedi puter (carrousel), komedi is Comedy, puter is centrifugal moves, so komedi puter is similar with the centrifugal comedy show! I don’t know when or where the term came from. A bunch of animal -models going around without any directions and moved by some men's hands, of course --we as a child-- came to enjoy and have those euphorias while we were imagine ourselves as the prince charming from Rome Kingdom who were going to crash the Gallia Kingdom into pieces ! Prok !

"Catch, move along hey you horses, do not give your mercy to those Galion bastards....!!"

I guarantee that this playground is the most wanted by the children or their parents.

Tasikmadu Sugar plant*....

After enjoy the Komedi puter we had better think about our stomach right ? Well,if so, you can choose the jenang kudus*,the black colored rice-pasta with coconut within, or the motorbike-formed brondong beras*.....but let me advise you do not ever forget to eat the spicy and hot soto daging* and a glass of ice jasmine-tea...hmm delicious !

After we eat, as we were still children, take the gifts, and do you have any ideas ? Toys ! The water pistol was my idol, then yoyo, gasing and then the trucks, bus, car miniatures. It was as if the chicken starring at the corn ! seek and destroy....

This cembengan was held surround the sugar factory area, it was very wide and so many trembessi trees in my district, Tasikmadu. Moreover, when we want to go to the cembengan we must walk along the spoor-trail way instead of riding the trucks or public transportation. We wanted to have a little cost-cutting program, we had better spend the money for gifts than for transportation cost, yes, the water pistol and its companies.

We walked together with so many ‘cembengan-pilgrimage’. We just walk trough the railway. It was quite simple to do as the railway was headed to the sugar factory of Tasikmadu. We didn’t have a fear feeling,as thousand peoples would do the same. It was just like the Tawaf phase of Hajj pilgrimage. Everyone wore his or her best clothes,just like the lebaran day*. Averagely we wear our Lebaran clothes once or twice a year only.

It was such a bless if we got the wealthy neighbor as they must have a car, we can hitchhike to the cembengan site and gave them a little tips only. It was faster then the ‘tawaf pilgrimage’. Well, that was the once a year amusement to the poor. We could forget our hard-life for a while. Every social group has their own way to release the stress. I am the lucky one as I experience that great cembengan, but it’s too bad the Tasikmadu sugar plant is broken now, therefore no cembengan party anymore….

Koeaing!
Everyday is a cembengan for me....

*Jenang kudus : A traditional snack made from rice powder with coconut and coconut-sugar. Made in Kudus,a rural city of central Java.
*Brondong beras : another traditional snack, made by rice as well but it fries without any cooking oil.
*soto daging : a kind of Chinese meat soup. Very popular in Indonesia.
*Lebaran day : The idul fitri day, the Islamic day to comemmorate the end of Ramadhan fasting month. It is the biggest holiday in Indoensia.

*picture courtesy of farrail.net

The Meaning of Anti

....Tampomas Jaya is the most famous noodle vendor in Western Java and Batavia.....(Tampomas Jaya - I)

Allah the Almighty with a perfect decision created the world. There is a big and there is a small one, there is a beautiful and there is an ugly one, there is good smell and bad smell, and there is a few and a many as well. Even in the noodle business, there is the big giant vendor who cover the Western Java and Batavia area, in the contrary there is a small or tiny Noodle vendor and just a little of us know where about.

...reading is the key to see the world out there
therefore illiteracyis our biggest enemy...

This story began by a crooks-headquarter-look-alike hut in the corner of small and slum path near my in-de koost house in Jatinangor Darussalam. Filthy, I saw only a not-very bright-lamp and one transistor Philips radio made in Dutch, the old school version! The original land-floored and zinc-roofed has made this warung getting slummier. Nevertheless, there is a saying in the noodle-house world, "The dirtier the vendors the better taste its noodle..."

Therefore, to maintain the justice, I didn’t go to the Tampomas Jaya for a week and change my direction to this little noodle-house. As usual, the noodle-house boy came from Sumedang Village, too bad I don’t remember his name by now. He always tidy looks, with mandarin haircut ala Aaron Kwok, a famous film star from Hong Kong.

"Mangga a "*
"OK...just like usual..."
"Ok a..."**

The illiterate Aaron Kwok***

Then I get the bala2* binti ba'wan...kremoes...with a raw rawit-chili in my mouth, it made all my hair rose to the sky. Then I got a very itchy feeling because I have so many dandruff on my head! The damned dandruff that ruined my life for a long time!

"He kid....are you an anti-Koempeni or not ?" I asked him suddenly....
"What kind of Anti a...?"
"That Anti...not like to someone or something..."
"Ooo...that’s the meaning of Anti though..."

What ? It means there is someone who doesn’t understand the meaning of anti ? What a f….., I bet this kid cannot read either....

"Hey you kid, can you please read the used newspaper there for me ? Yes, that paper , the ex-wrapper of your bala-bala, it seems the news is quite interesting for me though..." I started to bait...

This boy started to get nervous, his mimic reflecting the mix between ‘want to go to have a big shit and want to masturbate himself’ because a very shameful feeling....

Bloody hell! This kid is just so not-reflecting his look; his look is excellent but not worth with his ‘head capacity’, even an simple word of anti he didn’t understand at all. How come he can understand something if he cannot read at all ? All of you have been known for a long time that reading is the window to the world !

I feel pity for him, he covered his dumb by his look. What a look is for, if you cannot read even a single word ? What your Aaron Kwok-Haircut is for, if you don’t understand the meaning of Anti ? Who’s to blame ? The Government ! This is the obligation of Government to provide a literacy program to its peoples !

This illiteracy kid lived nearby the center of Pasundan land, Parijs Van Djava ! What in the hell Government do so far ? Not to mention a Big University has already been found just before this illiteracy kid ! The clear useless things before our very eyes.....

Koeaingdibatjakeunsiah!
...the more reading the more writing....

*here it is brother
** yes brother
*** taken from provocateuse.com

Instant Noodle of Tampomas Jaya

“...simple recipe can make your man’s stomach happy...err...an inch below to be exact...." [The sacred love recipe of Roro Mendhut]

Pronocitro, a prince charming was the victim of Roro Mendhut’s recipe, as well as other thousands men. It just a cigarette, all used cigarette from Roro Mendut will be a precious thing. All men fight to get that cigarette. The shorter the cigarette the heavier the price. All those men want to feel the taste of Roro mendut’s saliva, yes, if you cannot get the lips; it is fine to get the saliva....

...instant noodle with egg and pepper will make your tongue dancingwildly...

Koeaing! The modern-say Pronocitro is a food-lover either. The Javanese call it by term of Keplek ilat, the Betawie call it by goyang lidah, in English term it is like ‘a dancing tongue’. Moreover, how to make our tongue dancing? It is very simple actually, just get the noodle, yes you are right, the Chinese flour with long-form made! Talking about noodle, it means we talk about Indomie, the most famous one here in Oost-Indie.

Indomie has a trickle down-effect to make a living for millions peoples. You can easily find the Indomie vendors around Betawi Raya and Pasundan land. I don’t have any idea how the Indomie vendors are hardly to find in Eastern and middle Java Provinces. Accidentally, mostly the owners of Indomie Vendors are from Kuningan or Sumedang, two cities of Pasundan Land.

One of them is Tampomas Jaya group. I think this is the biggest one around Pasundan and Betawi. Tampomas itself is a volcano around Sumedang district. It was the name of a sinking ship years ago in Masalembo strait as well.

My first contact with this vendor is when I was a student of Padjadjaran University in Jatinangor Darussalam. As you know, we student doesn’t have much money to buy a thing. Therefore, the only way to get the good and delicious food with less money is Indomie vendor. The price is affordable to us.

lekkeeeeeer....

I go to Tampomas Jaya almost every single night. The place was so strategic, before the University entrance. Because I was the Frequent and loyal visitor, the little boy who guard that vendor has known me completely inside and outside....

"Like usual big bro...........?"
"Yes....do not forget to plunge directly the rawit chili right to the boiling water..."
"Consider it done bro....I guarantee myself it will be delicious, nothing’s compare to it..."

You cannot forget the rawit chili if you want to eat the most delicious noodle...

"With egg bro?”
"You don’t have to ask for it, you knew it...."

The second secret is the egg; you get the gurih-taste more if you add the egg to the noodle, beside it is important to get some added nutrient for a poor student like me....

"Ari sawinya kumaha ?"*
"Just add it more kid..."

Sawi vegetable has an attractive and decorative function to the food, it makes you want to eat as there is something greenly there....

Set...bret...bret...bret.....the skillful hands of Encep start to work, I don’t’ have any idea how many times he doing this. Maybe thousands time, repeatedly. He does the same work every night, from six in the morning up to midnight, or from midnight to the next six in the evening, because the Tampomas Jaya open steadily full 24 hours. So, if you find yourself starving at anytime, just go to Tampomas Jaya .

The Bagong chili sauce --which peoples say it made from rotten cassava and papayas— was the most delicious one, according to my tongue! It is getting delicious if you add the pepper-flour on it! Hmmmmm....the deliciousness of the secret recipe-formula can be compare with the Chinese Emperor’s Chef ! The secret of this recipe is on the ultimate mix of three main seasoning, two parts of Bagong chili sauce, one part of sweet soya bean sauce and two parts of pepper-flour......you can try this at home soon !

My favorite noodle is chicken curry. It is just fit with my tongue, the seasoning comes from India and of course, The Javanese has made some conversions here and there. Gurih, hot, fatty....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......just like tasting the wine -river of Heaven.....

How about you pal ? Chicken curry or Chicken onion ? Chicken Soto or Beef Meatball ?

Koeaingdimiehkeunsiah!
More Chinese than Chinese
*Sundanese : What about the sawi leave big bro ?

Biological MSG of Madame Loso

One day at the dining room of King Dewata Cengkar, King of The Giant Kings, said "It is my best dinner ever, it was very delicious therefore asks the chef to stand before me...."
"I aye sir..."

After several minutes...

"I come before you your majesty..."
"Hey you are the chef ?"
"I am your majesty...." he started to thrill...
"Today your cuisine is delicious, more delicious than before, tell me your special recipes ?"
"Please forgive me your majesty I could not tell the secret recipes of mine to you your majesty..."
"Do not ever lie to me !" the King started to get mad..."if you did not add some special recipes why it can be different in taste than before ?"
"I pledge my word to you your majesty I didn’t add any special receipes whatsoever...but..."
“But what bastard ?"
"I mean…I mean please forgive me your majesty, I cut my finger tips accidentally when I cut the onion, and my blood poured to your cuisine your Majesty..."

...After that day, The Giant King Dewata Cengkar must be served with blood-added cuisine to his daily menus, even later he wanted the human-flesh also; eventually he became a real cannibal.... ( The story of Ajisaka, the founder of Javanese fonts )

I experienced the same with King Dewata Cengkar did. It happened when I was going to a hiek, hiek is a Javanese small food and drinks vendor around Solo Regency. This habit came from The King Pakubuwono VIII. This Javanese King (might be inspired by Louis XVI) was very fond of eating. Every night he visited all the restaurants, cafes and any places that provided delicious foods....

...the taste of Saliva who will think it is going to add some delicioustaste...?

One of the famous hiek was The Madame Loso’s. She was old enough, white hair and wore the Javanese traditional costume, kemben. This hiek was nearby my house, most of the time I went to that place. This hiek has their special menus like the lemon drinks; the taste was far different with other hiek recipes. The sweet and sour taste was just match with my tongue, which was why I wondered with its secret recipes.

Madame Loso....

With all my parents prayers I did the honored duty, to find out the secret recipes of Madame Loso’s lemon drinks. I would do it by all means. I started to visit Madame Loso’s hiek more frequent, became twice a week. After a full month I kept my eyes on Madame Loso behaviors. Finally, I got the conclusion. I was sure enough to say that it would give us a big shock ! Because its secret recipes was on her saliva ! OMG…yes Oh…My...God ! Her saliva has made the lemon drinks became tasteful, but why ?

I could tell you the secret; every time we asked her for lemon drinks, she got the dirty mop to clean the cups first. Madame Loso herself has the abnormal teeth, it was too long to bear by her mouth, therefore the saliva just poured directly from her mouth, and the bad news was; it almost could not be stopped ! Therefore, the mixed of saliva and all bacteria in the dirty mops was served in our lemon drinks. That was it ! I, koeaing, revealed the biggest mystery of the ages !

The conclusion was; that saliva stuffs worked as the MSG worked to your cuisines. It was just like the biological MSG. Madame Loso might be the grand grand grand grand daughter of The King Dewata Cengkar’s chef, whose blood and sweat could turn that giant King became a cannibal. However, if you often give your bad words to tasteless cuisine of your mother, or wife, you don’t have to worry anymore. Just add some of your sweat, saliva or even blood to the cuisine, it might be delicious, depends on the quality of your sweat, saliva or blood. Maybe you are the grand grand grand grand children of The King Dewata Cengkar’s chef. Who knows ?

Koeaing !
The Aristocratic Midas