The Story of Red Hot Chili Lips

What do you do when you are in the middle of the day, during fasting month and you are thirst and hungry to death ? Sleeping ? playing cards ? bathing ? What , bathing ? Yes, bathing, it can make your body fresher. Having a bath in the bathroom is just common, what if we add a little 'wild life' experience, let say we back to nature, having a bath in the river ? Sounds good to me. That was what I do, I liked to have a river-bath in the middle of the day during the fasting month. We can just named that river as 'kali kidul' or southern river, as this laid in the southern part of our kampong.

...the burning sensations has made koeaing fell down to a dry kalen which full ofmud...

To get there we must passed the rice field, a spooky kampong cemetery and the sugarcane plantation. The river was in the 'Lemah abang' village, or literally known as 'red land', we often shorten that village as 'mahbang' or 'mabang' only. That day just like previous fasting days, me and my two buddies agreed to have fun in the kali kidul. My buddies were Soerip Pitik Sobo Kebon Opo Hajo ? and Nardi Bebek.

Soerip had a thin body, yellow complexion, higher than average boys in his age, got a shiny and bold hair,and he never forget to bring his sleepers everywhere he may go. While bebek was the crowned prince of tofu kingdom company. Right after the dzhuhur prayer call, we went to the southern river. Of course we must trough the lemahbang village and then turned left trough the spooky kampong cemetery. In this cemetery field there was a duwet (jamblang) tree, maybe its age was hundred years, but still, it got enormous fruits.

But there was more, one tree called as Cacil tree, maybe it got a much more older than the duwet one, thousands years maybe, as it was as big as the Batavia Government Palace ! This tree was worshiped by the lemahbang villagers, we could see a lot of gifts to the gods under the cacil tree.

There was a vegetables field nearby the cemetery, various vegetables like long-beans,corn,chili, soy beans and ground nuts. What a fertile land ! There was a hut in the middle of the field. The simple field was constructed from bamboo and had its roof from sugarcane leafs known as rapak .You can say, right in the middle of the day, during a hot and dry fasting month, this hut looks like a palace in dreamland to us as children !

Because we were tired after went trough the rice field and cemetery, so we decided to have a little 'relaxing' in to the hut. Didn't take any longer, we were slept soon. Time passed, I had been slept for hours without even had a single dream ! Our Great Prophet Muhammad SAW once said ; better we sleep than talking about others as it could be lead to decreasing our fasting quality.

But I didn't realize at all that bebek has gone home, there left Soerip only. Actually even the sleeping-atmosphere surrounds, he couldn't sleep at all. So he got two sucks conditions, one buddy went home and the other fell asleep for hours, it drove him mad tough. He was scared to get me up from my sleep, but if he didn't do it, he was lonely without things to do ! We got a very good sayings about this situation, it calls as eating the simalakama fruits, if you eat it your dad is dead, but if you don't your mom will die, but we'll see later that Soeriep had his own decision actually, "I must get in the hell Koeaing up no matter what !"

Red Hot Chili peppers....

In the mean times, I was in the middle of my dream, I was in the middle of big heaven's palace, playing with gorgeous angels, but wait a minute, what is that ? I see a fire, it's getting bigger ! Yes, this fire has firing this palace in to a hell-fire !! I could feel the burn sensation in my body, skin an mostly my lips ! Lips ? Yes, my lips is ON FIRE ! How come ? Yes, the reality say so, not even my feet or hands but my lips ladies and gentleman !

I was panic wandering around to get the fire off my lips, don't ask me how I feel, hot, pain and agony mix in to one sensation ! Accidentally I saw a little pond with fresh water before my eyes, I thought that that was the most fresh things in this world, without even think anymore I ran and plunged in to those heavenly pond...Byuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrr....! Shit....! What the hell is it ? I was get up and found I've been fell down from the hut, plunged in to some dry kalen (little canal to give the fields water flow) with no water but full of mud !

I wiped my eyes around, I saw the fucking SOERIP was laughing at my bad luck ! damn bastard ! He was happy to see his buddy fell down, what a rude boy. But wait, If it was a dream only why my lips still burned ? It just like eating chili sauce without drinks for thousand years ! And what we see in Soerip's hand ? there he got one real big red hot chili, but only a half left for some bites !! My interrogation finally revealed the secrets, he used those red hot big chili to get me up after he tried several tricks before with no result at all !

Finally his tricky mind got an idea to wipe some chili to my lips from surrounding field ! Little bastard ! Therefore I got my lips but this was not a common lips but THE RED HOT CHILI LIPS !

Koeaing!
Mad about HOT sauce!

M E R T J O N - The little dynamite !

There's evil in every good seed, even just a little, on the other hand, there's a good seed in every evil thing. That's the Tao Te Tjing's philosophy from the Chinese prophet, Confucius. It has something to do with mertjon a.k.a little dynamite. I think you are all aware that that little dynamite comes from Chinese civilization. therefore it just fine if we use Chinese philosophy to discuss about China stuffs.

...this mertjon look like some of the dynamite we see in common world but lighter ...

Over Betawie land, the Chinese influent is so dominant,including this little dynamite thing, so there's no festivals without bang-bang wham from this little dynamite ! No wonder, Betawie people is fine with all riots. The holy month of Ramadhan is the festival month or them, so it's fine if we commemorate with mertjon. If you are not betawie, you can be crazy to see the betawie's madness to riots on their festivals.

Mertjon, the little dynamite as little as our fingers, can manage a loud bang and make us jump from the chair ! Actually there's so many peoples have died from it. The other day I heard that one family was vanished by mercon blast around Cileungsi resident. It's ironic as the mertjon season commence on ramadhan month, the holy month for moslem and need a quiet atmosphere to do their prayer seriously.

If you have your habit sleeping after the subuh prayer time, I consider you just doing the luxurious thing for average Rawabelong peoples Van der Kebajoran. As in here those little bastard always blast their mercon right after the subuh prayer time. Bang...bang...boom..! You can imagine how bad my sleeping quality is. It's a mess actually. I got my red eyes, I got my patience's challenge every morning, sometime I can not hold to give them my bad words, ironically, I did it after subuh prayer time.

"What the f***....hey you ! A** Ho**...go f*** yourself kiddo !!!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM....!

Usually they ran for their life after I went out to get the hell'em out ! Did they feel sorry ? NOT YET man ! the other morning, the same ritual happens, even more evil ! I can not kill'em especially in this holy month right? I think it's some challenge and test from Allah SWT, beside I did it almost the same when I was a kid :P. I liked to play mertjon either when I was a kid. I did it professionally, I bought mertjon from the direct producer directly ! Two black plastic containers, full of mertjon for a month-full Ramadhan's stock !

My first mertjon blasted in my own room, I did it to frighten my sister actually...
"Hey sis watch out...I have my little dynamite in my hand....BOOOOOOOOOOOM !!! " I was not even finished my words when the little dynamite was blasted....!! Two weeks after the blast I feel there's a two ambulances inside my head !

Human,even i did my first accident but it didn't stop me though. As I am a real human, so I tried again to fire my others mercon left. This time I tried to show off to my buddy, Parjo. I chose the place purposely right in the middle of village bridge close to my house. I chose the time after Tarawih prayer time....

"Jo...give your attention to my head and shoulder little dynamite....if I start to fire my match to those little dynamites, I can blast Solo in just my eyes' blink, because the sound of this little dynamite is so loud..." I talked to parjo arrogantly...
"Is that so ?"
"Hey buddy, I give you my words, you see, this is the holy month, I can't lie to you brother..."

In a moment
I fired the detonator, but there was some mistakes, the ammo was too much given to the detonator it caused the fire blasted too fast, just like the lightning....."BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM...!" The victim was my right ear, after two weeks ago my left ear becoming the first victim ! Today I completed my total deft !

I went to the doctor after that blasting accident, the doctor was a Chinese , Doctor Boedi ....

"Hmm...you've made your two ears-membrane teared-off kid....lucky you it can be healed by average medicine only...."

The medicine was dropped to my ears, twice a day, night and day. Have you heard about Eustachian's channel ? That's the channel in-between ears and throat. So if I got dropped my ears by the night, the next morning I felt my mouth was so bitter, as the medicine flowed along my throat trough my ears !

That's all folks, Actually I just want to be the King of Mertjon in fact I have my deft ears.... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !

Koeaing!
Prefer the calmness

Cembengan Party

Ceng Beng. The Chinese culture,it is their habit to commemorate and honor their late ancestors’ souls. It is similar with Islamic grave pilgrimage. The Javanese calls it by Sadranan. Just like their elder brother, Chinese; they give their ancestors’ soul a gift, usually what they like when they were still alive, food-drink, and sometimes money if needed be. But I won’t tell about that instead I’d like to share with you all about cembengan.

...this cembengan is the most wanted moment ever to thepoors...

Cembengan naturally came from Chinese’s ceng beng habit, but I don’t know why the Javanese follow that habit and turn it to be some event similar with night festival. It usually held in the sugar plantation districts like Tasikmadu, Colomadu, Kertosono, Pemalang, Klaten and Surakarta, so when the sugarcane was about to be harvested, it means the sugar factory was about to commence their production cycle either. This moment was the most welcome one by peoples surrounding. They are very much excited knowing that this night festival --or widely known as cembeng-- soon will be held in a week full.

Older-younger, adult-children, west-east, Dutch-Chinese-Javanese, all attend to one party of first cycle production of this sugar factory. There is Tong setan (Devil Motor rider in a tong), and what the hell is that? The captured devil in Tong ( big wooden bucket) and be shown to visitors or what ? NOPE ! Tong Setan is a giant wooden bucket and there are two or more motorcycles and bikers inside. They race each other without any crash at all! This show was scary me to death when I was a child! Even when I hear its sound, it was similar with The Angry Zeus kicking his son butt, Hercules, vavoom !

And now let’s go to the next playground, komedi puter (carrousel), komedi is Comedy, puter is centrifugal moves, so komedi puter is similar with the centrifugal comedy show! I don’t know when or where the term came from. A bunch of animal -models going around without any directions and moved by some men's hands, of course --we as a child-- came to enjoy and have those euphorias while we were imagine ourselves as the prince charming from Rome Kingdom who were going to crash the Gallia Kingdom into pieces ! Prok !

"Catch, move along hey you horses, do not give your mercy to those Galion bastards....!!"

I guarantee that this playground is the most wanted by the children or their parents.

Tasikmadu Sugar plant*....

After enjoy the Komedi puter we had better think about our stomach right ? Well,if so, you can choose the jenang kudus*,the black colored rice-pasta with coconut within, or the motorbike-formed brondong beras*.....but let me advise you do not ever forget to eat the spicy and hot soto daging* and a glass of ice jasmine-tea...hmm delicious !

After we eat, as we were still children, take the gifts, and do you have any ideas ? Toys ! The water pistol was my idol, then yoyo, gasing and then the trucks, bus, car miniatures. It was as if the chicken starring at the corn ! seek and destroy....

This cembengan was held surround the sugar factory area, it was very wide and so many trembessi trees in my district, Tasikmadu. Moreover, when we want to go to the cembengan we must walk along the spoor-trail way instead of riding the trucks or public transportation. We wanted to have a little cost-cutting program, we had better spend the money for gifts than for transportation cost, yes, the water pistol and its companies.

We walked together with so many ‘cembengan-pilgrimage’. We just walk trough the railway. It was quite simple to do as the railway was headed to the sugar factory of Tasikmadu. We didn’t have a fear feeling,as thousand peoples would do the same. It was just like the Tawaf phase of Hajj pilgrimage. Everyone wore his or her best clothes,just like the lebaran day*. Averagely we wear our Lebaran clothes once or twice a year only.

It was such a bless if we got the wealthy neighbor as they must have a car, we can hitchhike to the cembengan site and gave them a little tips only. It was faster then the ‘tawaf pilgrimage’. Well, that was the once a year amusement to the poor. We could forget our hard-life for a while. Every social group has their own way to release the stress. I am the lucky one as I experience that great cembengan, but it’s too bad the Tasikmadu sugar plant is broken now, therefore no cembengan party anymore….

Koeaing!
Everyday is a cembengan for me....

*Jenang kudus : A traditional snack made from rice powder with coconut and coconut-sugar. Made in Kudus,a rural city of central Java.
*Brondong beras : another traditional snack, made by rice as well but it fries without any cooking oil.
*soto daging : a kind of Chinese meat soup. Very popular in Indonesia.
*Lebaran day : The idul fitri day, the Islamic day to comemmorate the end of Ramadhan fasting month. It is the biggest holiday in Indoensia.

*picture courtesy of farrail.net

The Meaning of Anti

....Tampomas Jaya is the most famous noodle vendor in Western Java and Batavia.....(Tampomas Jaya - I)

Allah the Almighty with a perfect decision created the world. There is a big and there is a small one, there is a beautiful and there is an ugly one, there is good smell and bad smell, and there is a few and a many as well. Even in the noodle business, there is the big giant vendor who cover the Western Java and Batavia area, in the contrary there is a small or tiny Noodle vendor and just a little of us know where about.

...reading is the key to see the world out there
therefore illiteracyis our biggest enemy...

This story began by a crooks-headquarter-look-alike hut in the corner of small and slum path near my in-de koost house in Jatinangor Darussalam. Filthy, I saw only a not-very bright-lamp and one transistor Philips radio made in Dutch, the old school version! The original land-floored and zinc-roofed has made this warung getting slummier. Nevertheless, there is a saying in the noodle-house world, "The dirtier the vendors the better taste its noodle..."

Therefore, to maintain the justice, I didn’t go to the Tampomas Jaya for a week and change my direction to this little noodle-house. As usual, the noodle-house boy came from Sumedang Village, too bad I don’t remember his name by now. He always tidy looks, with mandarin haircut ala Aaron Kwok, a famous film star from Hong Kong.

"Mangga a "*
"OK...just like usual..."
"Ok a..."**

The illiterate Aaron Kwok***

Then I get the bala2* binti ba'wan...kremoes...with a raw rawit-chili in my mouth, it made all my hair rose to the sky. Then I got a very itchy feeling because I have so many dandruff on my head! The damned dandruff that ruined my life for a long time!

"He kid....are you an anti-Koempeni or not ?" I asked him suddenly....
"What kind of Anti a...?"
"That Anti...not like to someone or something..."
"Ooo...that’s the meaning of Anti though..."

What ? It means there is someone who doesn’t understand the meaning of anti ? What a f….., I bet this kid cannot read either....

"Hey you kid, can you please read the used newspaper there for me ? Yes, that paper , the ex-wrapper of your bala-bala, it seems the news is quite interesting for me though..." I started to bait...

This boy started to get nervous, his mimic reflecting the mix between ‘want to go to have a big shit and want to masturbate himself’ because a very shameful feeling....

Bloody hell! This kid is just so not-reflecting his look; his look is excellent but not worth with his ‘head capacity’, even an simple word of anti he didn’t understand at all. How come he can understand something if he cannot read at all ? All of you have been known for a long time that reading is the window to the world !

I feel pity for him, he covered his dumb by his look. What a look is for, if you cannot read even a single word ? What your Aaron Kwok-Haircut is for, if you don’t understand the meaning of Anti ? Who’s to blame ? The Government ! This is the obligation of Government to provide a literacy program to its peoples !

This illiteracy kid lived nearby the center of Pasundan land, Parijs Van Djava ! What in the hell Government do so far ? Not to mention a Big University has already been found just before this illiteracy kid ! The clear useless things before our very eyes.....

Koeaingdibatjakeunsiah!
...the more reading the more writing....

*here it is brother
** yes brother
*** taken from provocateuse.com

Instant Noodle of Tampomas Jaya

“...simple recipe can make your man’s stomach happy...err...an inch below to be exact...." [The sacred love recipe of Roro Mendhut]

Pronocitro, a prince charming was the victim of Roro Mendhut’s recipe, as well as other thousands men. It just a cigarette, all used cigarette from Roro Mendut will be a precious thing. All men fight to get that cigarette. The shorter the cigarette the heavier the price. All those men want to feel the taste of Roro mendut’s saliva, yes, if you cannot get the lips; it is fine to get the saliva....

...instant noodle with egg and pepper will make your tongue dancingwildly...

Koeaing! The modern-say Pronocitro is a food-lover either. The Javanese call it by term of Keplek ilat, the Betawie call it by goyang lidah, in English term it is like ‘a dancing tongue’. Moreover, how to make our tongue dancing? It is very simple actually, just get the noodle, yes you are right, the Chinese flour with long-form made! Talking about noodle, it means we talk about Indomie, the most famous one here in Oost-Indie.

Indomie has a trickle down-effect to make a living for millions peoples. You can easily find the Indomie vendors around Betawi Raya and Pasundan land. I don’t have any idea how the Indomie vendors are hardly to find in Eastern and middle Java Provinces. Accidentally, mostly the owners of Indomie Vendors are from Kuningan or Sumedang, two cities of Pasundan Land.

One of them is Tampomas Jaya group. I think this is the biggest one around Pasundan and Betawi. Tampomas itself is a volcano around Sumedang district. It was the name of a sinking ship years ago in Masalembo strait as well.

My first contact with this vendor is when I was a student of Padjadjaran University in Jatinangor Darussalam. As you know, we student doesn’t have much money to buy a thing. Therefore, the only way to get the good and delicious food with less money is Indomie vendor. The price is affordable to us.

lekkeeeeeer....

I go to Tampomas Jaya almost every single night. The place was so strategic, before the University entrance. Because I was the Frequent and loyal visitor, the little boy who guard that vendor has known me completely inside and outside....

"Like usual big bro...........?"
"Yes....do not forget to plunge directly the rawit chili right to the boiling water..."
"Consider it done bro....I guarantee myself it will be delicious, nothing’s compare to it..."

You cannot forget the rawit chili if you want to eat the most delicious noodle...

"With egg bro?”
"You don’t have to ask for it, you knew it...."

The second secret is the egg; you get the gurih-taste more if you add the egg to the noodle, beside it is important to get some added nutrient for a poor student like me....

"Ari sawinya kumaha ?"*
"Just add it more kid..."

Sawi vegetable has an attractive and decorative function to the food, it makes you want to eat as there is something greenly there....

Set...bret...bret...bret.....the skillful hands of Encep start to work, I don’t’ have any idea how many times he doing this. Maybe thousands time, repeatedly. He does the same work every night, from six in the morning up to midnight, or from midnight to the next six in the evening, because the Tampomas Jaya open steadily full 24 hours. So, if you find yourself starving at anytime, just go to Tampomas Jaya .

The Bagong chili sauce --which peoples say it made from rotten cassava and papayas— was the most delicious one, according to my tongue! It is getting delicious if you add the pepper-flour on it! Hmmmmm....the deliciousness of the secret recipe-formula can be compare with the Chinese Emperor’s Chef ! The secret of this recipe is on the ultimate mix of three main seasoning, two parts of Bagong chili sauce, one part of sweet soya bean sauce and two parts of pepper-flour......you can try this at home soon !

My favorite noodle is chicken curry. It is just fit with my tongue, the seasoning comes from India and of course, The Javanese has made some conversions here and there. Gurih, hot, fatty....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......just like tasting the wine -river of Heaven.....

How about you pal ? Chicken curry or Chicken onion ? Chicken Soto or Beef Meatball ?

Koeaingdimiehkeunsiah!
More Chinese than Chinese
*Sundanese : What about the sawi leave big bro ?

The story of tiger

It was a long time ago when Java island still surrounded by heavy forest, so many wild animals like lions, savage buffalos, wild hogs, cobra snakes, big monkeys, bekantans and tigers. Tigers? Yes, tiger, animal with strip on its leather. However, do you have any ideas that a long time ago, all tigers had blank leather instead of stripped leather? If so, why nowadays they have stripped leather on their body? All comes up with a story, so does with this one, check this out:

...do you know that a long time ago tigers had no strips on their skin why isthat so...?

The story begins from corpse-smell forest, it was the heaviest forest at the northern Priangan land, and right now, we know it as Subang town. There were so many tigers communities around. Priangan was under The King Prabu Gelo Sipatugelo. This King had a full-adrenalin hobby, hunting. It was not a usual hunting like the wild hogs hunting but tiger hunting. He did it once in every three month. The tiger’s communities were always afraid whenever The King’s group men arrived for hunting and it means death for them, a useless death. Ironically, The King and his men did it just for fun...

The Monkeys lived there too, there were two groups of them, the big one and the little one. The little one known as lutung. The lutung is widely known as the smartest animal in the planet. Because of that, they often became the last resort for advice. This included tiger. How come? Between the hunters and the victim were unite? Why not? While we as human kind know the rules of cease- fire why didn’t them. This break of fighting happened because the tigers were sick of The King Hunting season. Every three months their life was in danger, this hunting threatened their communities’ population for the future. Therefore, the King of tigers had ordered to a tiger ambassador named Meong Bandung.

Meong Bandung....the tigers ambassador

After a while, Meong Bandung finally arrived at the lutungs’ village. It was in the middle of heavy forest.
"Hey you tiger, how dare you come to our village?" said the King Lutung. His formal title was Lutung Kasarung, because he always wear sarong wherever he go, but definitely with no under pant within.
"I come with peace, as the highness ambassador to give you all his warmest regard..."
"What for?”
"For the sake of our future, as you know we face a dangerous situation that can lead to the extinct of our race, because every three months, we become the victim of The Human King hunting, they kill us for fun..."
"Wow, that’s good news for us actually, it means we can get rid of our potential problems, the tigers...."
"Our King knew it for sure, therefore he commands if the lutungs refuse to help, we destroy all of you until the very end..." he cried loudly in anger...
"Ka ka kka ku ku ka ka kak...come on don’t get mad easily, we, the lutungs like to have some jokes, mostly to tigers. Ok before everything gets worst just speak out then...you can have yourself burned but not your mind..." said the King Lutungs as he known that he has no power before this ambassador...
"Very well, just advice us how to face this bloody King and his armed men, do you have any?”
"We do, definitely, if we don’t, we already vanished for along time ago..."
"And what is that for the King Tiger sake?" replied Meong Bandung curiously....
"It’s a piece of cake actually, thing that you tigers do not know even a little so far is, human track your smelly odor to hunt...therefore you should take a bath diligently, the way human face difficulties to track you...' replied Lutung Kasarung while he fixed his sarung position as the ‘balls’ was going anywhere...
"What, taking a bath...you should know that we, tigers, take a bath only once a day for maximum, and that’s with our own saliva and tongue..."
"Of course no saliva included, if so you’ll have a stinky smell..."
"So if not with our own tongue, what are we supposed to do with?”
"With water...and not just common water...it must be rainfall water, and you know what, the best part is you all should take a bath in the middle of heavy rain...."

The tigers like to have a bath in the middle of heavy rain ever since. They started to have competition each other to have the best aroma in jungle. When the lightning and thunder began to came up and roar in the sky, all the tigers came out and ready to have a mass bath. However, new habit didn’t come cheap. Many of them were sick, got fever and exhausted. All parts of their body felt black and blue, cold, acute diarrhea, unfocused visioning, no food appetite, and no sleep tight. Once again, Meong Bandung was sent back to get the medicines....

The King Lutung then gave his effective recipe to heal the tigers. Actually, he stole it from human habit during his ‘human period life’. As you know, The King Lutung Kesarung was a human before gods cursed him to become an ape. It was because he often takes a pip the Kingdom’s princess when they took a bath nude. The recipe was simple, kerokan ! They have a mass kerokan each other. You can imagine how crowded the jungle was. Eventually the magical things happened. They got well soon and it made them crazy. The kerokan-stamp printed on their leather for good, even though they have rinsed repeatedly. Therefore, nowadays you know the tigers as stripped ones...

Koeaing!
Tiger in ape cage...

Music makes life happier !

Music is the universal language, I am listening MUSE, Obituary and seurieus while I am writing. I like so many different music, range from keroncong to death metal. From dangdut to classical orchestra. R&B is the only kind of music that I hate the most, I don’t know why. I think the black music is far away different these days compare to their old one. I like the old black music, they generate great musician like James Brown, Louis Armstrong, Ray Charles, and it was undeniable that they were genius in music. But at present days, their children has ruined all they have achieved by creating the trash music called by R&B. This is not even music, it is just a bunch of gangsters, pimps, and whores unite in the lusty world. If I have to kill one R&B singer, I would be glad to do it, mostly the one who wear under pant on his head, let me kill him, free of charge!

...this world consists of musical compositions only we listen to it or not doyou?

Music, for me is emotional thing, it has to touch my feeling, whether my romantic feeling or even my anger. If I listen to Simon & Garfunkel, Lobo, Bread or John Denver, their smoothness, empathy, and love touch my soul. Nevertheless, if I listen to Manowar, Metallica, or Obituary, my spirit arises as if my blood run up trough my head...there’s so many fires there! One thing you must remember if there is songs that can make you cry it means it has a healing power to your agony. For instance is Bread’s IF, not to mention Lady of Dream from John Anderson and Kitaro. I bet you can cry loudly after listen to Simon & Garfunkel’s Bright Eyes! I have a good advice for you; do not ever listen to those songs while you are broken hearted! It leads you to suicide instead of healing your pain!

It is no wonder if we see how music becomes a prayer to the Lord. The Moslems give their prayer some rhythms mostly in Qur’anic reading. From the easiest to the hardest, (you will need an iron lung to do the hardest way). Something is more touching if we change it to some singings. That way, the religion’s moral values can easily run trough our souls...directly or not....

Smells like teen spirit - Nirvana

I have my musical activities since I was in my Junior High School. I started with Deep Purple’s songs but before it, I listened to Queen, Scorpion, and Lobo, because my elder brothers and sisters played those songs often. Deep Purple’s Highway Star makes me thrilled even now, this song has a deep emotion in my soul, the tempo and beat just match with my youth soul! I carried my Deep Purple’s cassette and played it loud in the middle of our school’s library! What a crazy boy! You can imagine, when we are in the library, we supposed to be silent, even you cannot speak to others in high tone, but I played music loudly instead! Guess what? Everybody definitely was getting mad on me. Did I change my habit? NOT at all! I didn’t care even finally my teachers came up...I still don’t understand up to now, how crazy I was!

I played guitar as well in this age, started the Malay songs such as Search’s Isabella. Moreover, the D-day has come finally; I played a band with my companies. My activities was just music ever since. Playing guitar from maghrieb time to midnight, everyday, seven days a week, 30 days a month and 365 days a year! I do it during these 21 years more! Up to now! Remarkable! Do I bored or something? NO, that’s because the magic of music.

I had two different bands when I was in my senior High School! The band played kroncong and the other played death metal! I played bass-cello and 3-snare ukulele, we call ukulele as cuk! While in my death metal band, I played rhythm guitar and sing! You can give your imagination how complex I was. We played Miss Waljinah’s 'Mawar Biru’, but the other night I probably played Sodom, terrorizer or Napalm Death’s songs! It was like heaven and earth, far away different way of music, but I like them all no matter what!

After I became a University student, I found that the death metal fans were just a little in amount. However, the show must go on, I had to be flexible, so I started to sing Nirvana’s songs. Our band -- Donal bebek, has played most of their songs. I wanted to play weezer or Beatles badly, but what I can say I just lost those opportunities...my bands ruined and my friend found their own life. My ex-guitarist has some printing company in Yogyakarta, my ex-drummer (there are three of them) one becomes The Coca cola’s company employee, the other one I lost my connection and his news, and the last one is the only one who still playing music. He is the drummer of Minoru, some Japanese Rock band.

As a band boy, I can feel the ultimate satisfaction when I am on stage. It is when the crowds are going crazy we call it by headbang. I experience some remarkable moment once, friend of mine, she hates rock music actually but she cannot afford to have her headbang when I sang my Nirvana’s songs. I played bass and sing at that time, I broken my bass snare it was because I played it hard. My guitarist had the same experience he broken most off all his snares. My drummer broken his cymbal as well! What song of nirvana could lead us to hysterical actions? SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT! Their greatest song forever!

koeaing!
Miss the stage actions

Teh botol-onomiec

At least there are three Allah SWT’s gifts that become the biggest miracle in the human kind history which are: bothok, fried Tempe and Teh Botol (Koeaing!)

Teh botol sosro, the bottled jasmine tea, is not just an ordinary tea. Nothing compare to this Tegal tea . I think teh botol still becomes the first among others in the Oost-Indie. My first touch with the botol started when I was in Bandung. I had a friend named as Moeljadi Hamzah, but I often call him by Dimoelkenkoeaing! He always asked me to accompany him to the Darokdhok’s, the grocery store nearby our boarding house, most every night.

And he always drink the teh botol sosro, without forget even once, 7 days a week, 31 days a month and 365 days a year ! Years after, I just known that in his homeland Balikpapan there was no the botol. Moreover, you cannot find the botol in Lampung either. When you finally find one bottle of it you should give Allah a thankfully prayer for it! I don’t know why this tea is scarce in the outside of Java Island. Nevertheless, when you talk about Jakarta, nothing’s compare to teh botol…

...there are three absolute things in this world bothok tempe gorengand teh botol...

During that time, I was still a big fan of American soda. After I got my kidney stones, there was no other choice but looking for other safe beverages. Accidentally, mul has recognized me with this contagious beverage!

I admit, the most delicious tea for me is jasmine tea. I don’t like rose tea, not to mention Sariwangi tea. Sariwangi literally means ‘a good smell tea’ but in reality, it is just an apek (smelly) tea. Why do you bother get the apek tea in to your stomach? Not me! If there were strawberry-tea vendors, I bet it will be sold-out! So many peoples like to drink all strawberry variances beverages!

I have an unforgettable experience regarding this drink. It was in the middle of our national square, Monas. I was thirsty to death, God bless me, and I saw the teh botol vendors nearby the garden. I got in one and drank it as fast as possible; it was just as if a Bedouin found an oasis after weeks on deadly thirst. This was my first mistake, buying without asking the price first! We talk about Madurese vendors here, not Chinese! In the biz world, Chinese act like Angel and the Devil was Madurese for sure. This madurese vendor then said to me "seven thousands only boy..."

What the fuck? The market price was only six hundreds rupiahs! This was one thousand percent more fold! Ten times!

"Eh asshole...gives me the right price or I don’t give you a shit!" I was about to hit that bastard...

Teh botol....

Suddenly – I didn’t have any ideas where they came from—the Madurese with their traditional dagger, clurit, surrounded me

"Any problems son?”
"Ach...no sir, I just want to pay this teh botol " I replied with pretended...it was better to pretend than lose my neck...

As the opposite, I have found the cheapest teh botol price since I stayed at Rawa belong resident, not only one vendor but other vendors as well. I guess they just conducted what our great prophet has said, “Sell five items with two margins is better than sell two items with five margins..."

Warung Aceh was for instance, it was nearby my boarding house, if the others sold one thousand and five hundreds rupiahs per bottle, she just sold it by seven hundreds only! It was awesome indeed! No wonder if I hung around there most every night and of course drank the teh botol....

Later on the price was increasing became two thousands, followed the high oil price! Nevertheless, he still sold it by one thousand and five hundreds rupiahs only! It was crazy though, I didn’t have any ideas how she create some margins? But hell, the important thing was, I still had a teh botol party every night, nothing was more! However, everything in this world has its limit, so does with my fun. The Aceh was closed without any previous announcement at all! Later on, I noticed that her husband married again with another woman in Lebak Bulus area, what a pity woman!

After that, I kept my passion for the botol hunt. There were four warungs around the neighborhood; the first one was The Padang warung. He sold one thousand and two hundreds rupiahs per bottle. Then there were two Bataks warungs, the smelly Ucoks’s (he got a very bad smell of his body’s odor) and and the honest Ucok’s. The smelly Ucok’s sold one thousand and one hundred, it was cheaper then the padang’s) but it was more expensive than what the honest Ucok’s has sold, one thousand only!

It was the same price with warung Bissu? What? Yes, warung bissu. I didn’t know his real name was but because he came from Bugis, Southern Celebes. I could not even known whether he was a man or a woman, alias she male from Bugis, bissu! He/she sold the teh botol one thousand as well! This warung was my favorite place to pass by. Replaced the warung Aceh. Simply because this warung was the nearest warung from my house, while the Honest Ucok’s need to have some walks instead...

I got my own conclusion then, if the teh botol’s price was cheaper or at least match with the seal’s price, so I guaranteed the other stuffs were cheaper too, whether they conducted the Great prophet’s saying or not. At the end, the Aceh’s and Bissu’s were closed! I didn’t know whether they sold everything in too lower prices level or other causes. Definitely, I just had one option, the honest Ucok’s only...

That’s it, teh botol sosro as an indicator of the goods movement and price; you could name it as the branch of new economics studies, Teh botol-onomics....

Koeaing!
Drinks 400 bottle of teh botol sosro yearly...

Alif, The guerilla boy,

Based on true story happened in Solo city, Indonesia.
Retold by Mr. Koeaing !

Part I
The dawet vendor’s boy?

I am Alif, I am the third boy of four brothers, Setro is my eldest brother. He was very naughty. The teacher once punished him to stand by all the time before the class. He was mad and soon went to the blackboard; he lifted and handed it over to the teacher’s body. Then he ran away. He did not go to that class ever since.

...if i am not my real father's son then who am I ? do you know itmy friend...?

My elder sister is klentheng, because she is black. Klentheng is the name for the black kapuk button. She is similar in hard-habit with my brother Setro. She often beats me by tenggok a bamboo container for the horse meal. Gabruuk ! It was painful you know, it needed three days to recover....

I have my youngest brother, Sakim. He was the most gorgeous one. That is why he became my mother most favorite’s son, it was OK for me, and even I loved him more. If he faced some problems, I helped him as good as I could. Sometimes when he fought against his friends, I helped him to fight them.

Our father Imam Munawar was a very hard man. No wonder where mas Setro and mbakyu klentheng habits were come from. He was a chariot’s wheel repairer. He studied at famous Tebuireng Islamic Boarding School, East Java Province. He loosed almost all his religion knowledge but not his martial arts, we didn’t now why.

As a chariot wheel repairer, he got so many silvery goods in his warehouse. No wonder so many thieves wanted to steal it anyway. One day a thief came in to his warehouse and then the magical things happened. Up to the mid day this thief just wandering around this warehouse. My father, Imam Munawar just gave him a little shock by his palm “plok"...then that thief aware and gave my father an ovation by turned his back down.

Guerilla boy....

"Give me your mercy sir, I did not mean to steal, but this is my last thing I can do sir, my family is starving to death right now...”

My father did not even get angry at all, he even gave that thief some money to buy his family foods....

"Here it is I give you some money for your wife and children... but remember if you lie to me so let your penis goes to your forehead forever..."
“Thank you so much sir...I give my words to you..." he then hugged my fathers foots.

My father can be a very generous and good person to others but not to his own children, he often acted like as an algojo! I was the one who beaten often, because I was just a little kid not like my brother, Setro. He was a young boy so if my father got mad and wanted to ‘kill’ him he just ran away as fast as young horses. If this happened, he did not return to our house for a couple days. I could not do like that, I could not run anywhere.

Nowhere to go for me, I once had a terrible experience with my father’s anger. He bonded me to a chariot‘s wheel because I swam with my companies in the river. Not to mention when I was bonded to the spike right in the middle of the yard. Then he gave this spike dry grass surrounded and he burned it away! His action was similar with inquisitive armies of Catholic Church who burned the Protestants alive!

That was why I sometimes thought that I was not his real son. When I was saved by my mom from the burning grass, he got mad and gave my mom very bad words, "Why do you bother save this satanic boy? Let him burned to the hell anyway, besides he’s not even my real boy...he is a son of the dawet vendor nearby the market don’t he?”

When my father gave those words my mom replied the same,” you can say any words you like, but you are the one that cheat on my back, I know you have an affair with the bitch widow nearby the river don’t you asshole...!"

As I said before they always fought each other everyday, and the sad thing was, we were the victims.

It was nearby the year of 1942, finally my mom and my father were divorced, and my father then married a new wife nearby the mount of Lawu. We followed our mom still. We lived in Ngaglik village, a little kampong in the northern Surakarta district. A terrible happened in this village when the dry season was come, because we must seek fresh water harder. This neighborhood was very strong in Islamic teachings. Therefore, my name itself is the first Arabic font ; Alif , while my father’s name was Imam Munawar ( Munawar the great leader) isn’t it a great name huh? However, sometimes between name and habit is far away matched. Just like heaven and earth!

After my father was not in our house anymore, the situations became more difficult. Sometimes we ate once a day, sometimes did not. What we ate was just thiwul, the dry flours of cassavas. The corn rice was better than thiwul, because when you eat thiwul often, your stomach face a serious problems, you even could have a bloody shits...

Hide and seek, an Adrenalin game

Every Moslem believes that during the sacred month of Ramadhan, the devil, Satan, jinn, kiddo ghost, monsters, elf, phantoms, evil spirits, ghouls, gnomes, goblins, fairies, banshees and poltergeists are on leave. Allah the Almighty God with the magic chains bonded them all. With those spirit of courage, we as innocent kids were not afraid anymore. We chosen after Maghrib prayer as the right time to have the hide and seek game. The players consist of the mascot-boy and the hidden-groups. The rule was mascot had to find the hidden-groups. As we’ve been told that, no evil-spirits could not disturb us, so every kid tried to show their guts. That’s why I call this game as adrenalin Hide and seek.

...Allah the Almighty God with the magic chains bonded them all...

At the backside of our village mosque laid the graveyard called as Pasarean Ywapati, the Mangkunegarans official graveyard. Pasarean means as the sleeping place for the dead. In this case, the nobles dead. As nobles, their graveyard is so beautiful just like a mansion with the flower garden surroundings. It was such a good views. The peasants’ graveyard lay at the backside of this pasarean, right in the middle of sugar-cane tree plantation. There are two of them, at the south and southeast one.

After we draught the mascot, finally Peyet was chosen one. The rest must run and hide as fast we can. We tried to seek the hardest place to find by Peyet. I myself ran in to the sugar-cane plantation, it was the after-harvest time. I slept underneath the dry sugar-cane leaves. It was in the middle of dry season, called as nJediding, Javanese term for the cold dry season. The night of nJediding time is so cold, chills to your bones. Take this picture; with the half-moon scene and owl’s singing, it was so spooky. Not to mention the clouds were running across the moon...in pairs...one two....

Jendul --the bravest kid among us-- hidden at the southern graveyard. This is the spookiest and isolated peasants’ graveyard. He climbed the giant mahogany tree right in the center of that graveyard. He might get along with owls, or maybe the real ghosts! Then we’ll see Gito. Gito actually was not in our age-level because he was three years old more than we were. His body as big as buffalo the bad news is; he gets mad easily. In addition, when he gets mad, you’d better to get away of him....

Gito was more spectacular on his hidden quest. He slept underneath the unused stone-coffin of the dead, just like the dead their selves! What a spooky kid! Other kids lay between the mosques, the nobles’ graveyard, and the peasants’ one. Mostly they had hidden in the middle of sugar-cane plantation bush.

the spooky mahogany tree....

One minute, two minute we didn’t hear any voices yet from Peyet as the mascot. One hour after two hour, still there was no Peyet’s voice. I was falling asleep under the sugar-cane bushes. While Jendul was still up there, at the giant tree. Gito slept underneath the coffin. We know later about who Peyet really was. He was totally a jerk. You could not trust him at all. Why? As the mascot, he must found us whatsoever. That was the rules! However, maybe because we hidden at the abnormal place, he then walked home and slept! Asshole!

We were up after hear the Barzanzi of grand elder Soma,--our noblest village cleric—and hurried up to the mosque to do the subuh prayer. After we met together, we shared our story on how and where we hide. In addition, that was the time when we know where in the hell Peyet was. He ran away from his obligation as mascot, what a jerk! We felt hate, mad, because this irresponsible boy was fooling us, but what can we do this was the fasting month, we could nod take revenge among Allah SWT’s creatures. We just swallowed those hatreds.

The moral of this story is, if we believe that nothing or no one can do us harm then so be it! It even can lead us to do the bravest things! It was impossible unless in the sacred month of Ramadhan. Who thinks that Gito able to sleep underneath the coffin? Jendul could stays all night long at the spooky giant tree, and I myself slept in the middle of sugar-cane plantation? Those experiences really make me wonder, even up to present...

The tricky Peyet is becoming tailor man now, Gito owns his own sate restaurant, while Jendul is going back home to our homeland and make his living as a daily-goods storeowner after years in Jakarta. What about yourself koeaing? Me? Oh, I become a jobless man whose hobby is writing this stuff to you peoples...

Koeaing!
Still remember the after-harvest sugar cane smell...a very good smell....

There is always a giant among us

Ever since God made this universe, there is always a balance between the good and the bad. Our great grand father, Adam, teased by the Devil, and given some good advices from angel either. If you do the good things, you probably enter the heaven, vice-versa if you do the bad things you just enter the hell easily! In the politics world we know the opposition side, it said clearly as the opposite side, the idea is we need a balance circumstances in this world. Nothing is forever in this world, within the white power there is black power, even a little, it works as the opposite way...

...we live in the middle of good and bad peoples
therefore
face it !

As a social creature, we live among others, and there are good and bad persons for sure. Those two attitudes are within us. The Pandawa’s won’t become the white knights if there was no bad Kurawa’s ! The only problem is, that differences between good and bad are too far, and that’s certainly makes us wonder if there is such a very bad or very good person in this world? The answer is : IT IS!

Nobita has an asshole friend named by GIANT! He likes to kick his own friend ass even without any reasons before! Sure Nobita didn’t have any guts to make it even, not too mention Giant’s body as big as buffalo. All of us, since we have known others – I underline since we were in the kindergarten— must have the bad friend as Giant! I have no experiences of kindergarten school, so I just draw you my elementary school experiences. I had a very bad friend named Soeparman a.k.a nDhoklok (read like 'o' in ‘problem’). This boy had a bigger body than his levels, because he entered the elementary school late! He should in the 4th grade instead of 1st grade.

Those bad things came after this bastard was pointed as our class-head! One thing for sure, things started too gloomy ever since. Just like what Lord Acton cited "Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupt absolutely", and this nDhoklok was a perfect example of Lord Acton’s theory. He got the power, bigger body than his levels; to be frank it was just too perfect! If I may describe for what he did by his absolute power in words, it would be just too mean. He didn’t hesitate to spit other kids, to their mouth directly! The method is first he grabbed our arms until we could not move at all, and then he pushed our mouth to open ands 'crooot !" His saliva poured to our mouth like the Indian Cobra’s poison!

Saliva was just one of his torture tools, the other tool was hot balm...you have already know how hot it is to our skin. It was more sadistic than before! He could give this hot balm to other kids’ eyes for fun! You can imagine how those unlucky kids cried loudly

Did this 'giant' stop after our elementary school years over? NO HE DIDN'T! When I was in my Junior High, I met the other Giants! This time named Rober, Yes, that was his name. His father might not understand English words; just pick an ‘ear-catching’ word because he was born in ROmadhon and octoBER months! Watricht !

Nobita....

Because this kid as big as Samson, while the others as small as dwarf – dwarfs who liked to play in the field-movie held by Jamu Tjap Djago vendor— so he easily terrorizing us ! If anyone dares to challenge his order, then his hands, legs or other tools move as fast as Zeus does to kick our butts! Plak! Boekk ! Blesss....!!! Lucky for me, he was good in beating someone’s ass but not in his head. He counted on me for home works, or other intelligent things. It was good for me to stay from his cruelness away...

After I went to Senior High in Solo, there were so many giants in this school anyway! From seniors, my levels or even my juniors! Sadewo a.k.a mbako was one of our giant, he was in our same level. We named him as mbako (Javanese: tobacco) because he had hair like lesser tobacco, curl and bad smell. He got small body but awesome guts! I saw he fought with senior giant once. His name was Doni, his body as big as school doors! However, mbako didn’t get scared, even a little. He even gave his bad words while he fought! Whatta boy ! Another moment, I saw this boy was asked to go out from the classroom –in the middle of class hour – by a senior giant named Agus Mansion (because he was very found of drunk of Mansion House liquor)

+ Sir, can I talk with Sadewo for a moment?
- Ooo...sure you can...but don’t take too long....

Mbako then got from the class out to meet him, but what happened there was very surprisingly! He was not even to say a word when his face was punched by Agus mansion! As a giant too, mbako did his jobs well, he then gave Agus a punch as well...bak...buk! The teacher and other kids just saw it happened speechlessly! God damn them!

When I was in my college time, I was becoming one of these giants! Hehehhe...at least I fought with other giants twice a month...I have been fought versus two giants from Palembang....Bak! Boek ! Prot !! Their names were Faisal and Hakim. I was on the top at that time because they were in the middle of buzzed-out by Aceh marijuana. You know if someone buzzed-out by this thing they can not focus in doing something....Let say the gave us two punches and I gave them back four or five punches. What a shame, two giants from senior and junior class beaten by me, myself only in one moment. Luckily, for them...before anything went too far Gusur saved their ass! Gusur was the most senior Giant…

That’s all, in every moment of our life there will be a giant around; you’d better watch your ass!

Koeaing!
Giant with Nobita’s face and Shizuka as his wife

The magic seats of A 2, 3 and the powerful swinging-arms

....if there is a man and a woman in one room, the third one is Satan..... (Prophet Muhammad hadits)

Movie theatre --a favorite gathering-pool-- for youth couples in love. They even don’t care about the movie itself; the most important thing is who come first. The movies are not so important than their own ‘movie shooting’ session.

...this will makes your date hotter than before just believeme...

You do not believe me don’t you? Try by yourself to prove my story. After you get there, take a look at the A seats number 2 and 3. What happen with those seats? It has been a silent rumor that says those two seats is the sacred ones. All youth couples already known that whoever takes those two seats he/she will get the ultimate place to make love or get the sex-activities-pool.

Sex-activities-pool, what kind of animal is that? Sex-activities-pool came from three elementary words sex, activities and pool. That is self-explanatory to you all. For the ‘brutal’ term, it means a place for fucking, whether dry fucking or wet fucking. For this case, of course it is the dry one. Why? Because it is a public place even though it is a kind of a hidden place.

Back to the 2 and 3 seats, why aren’t three, four or other numbers? Moreover, why is in the hell should be A instead of B seat? You can answer quickly only if you have a strategic thinking. As long as we know couples come to theater often, and they are going to buy a pair of tickets as well.

The sex-activities-pool....

As we all have known, the A row is the hindmost place ever in the theatre, no more chairs after A row. If you have chosen the number two and three seats most probably no one wants to buy the number one seat because it’s the a single most-hidden-place in the world. Not to mention peoples tend to have some ‘distance’ with others therefore the number 4 seat is most probably not occupied. Now we can have a conclusion as follows, no one disturbs from behind and so does from front seat. No disturbance from your right, and no one else beside your left, voila! It’s time to have your good time bro!

So, if you get the number 2 and 3 seats you better be ready to hear strange choices such as retained kiss, mumble and sigh with hurrying breath from in-love couples. You can not focus on your movies for sure; you just focus on your ‘ears’ than your ‘eyes’ as there are some ‘trailers’ happened in your back rows.

Well, it’s time to come up with the second the lusty-world trick, the powerful arm-swing. It is special trick for male. You like to have your arm on your girl arm don’t you? And of course as a normal man you are love that boobs. And if she let you to grasp her boobs maybe you do it by every minute. But it’s too bad, you just meet her once a week only with limited times. So how you can grasp her boobs as many as possible within limited times?

Firstly, you must pretend to become such a romantic person maybe just like Casanova did. Those romantic things can be done by having your arm in your girl’s neck gently. Do not ever forget, while your arm surrounds her neck place your palm on his tits. It looks accidentally swinging along with the rhyme of your steps move. You can grasp ‘accidentally’ to your girl’s tits while swinging your arm up and down.....one... two... gotcha! The more you step the more you can get the tits ! Now, you can get even for what you have paid for meals and tickets.

As far as I remember those two tricks are barely failed. The result is hundred on hundred. The most important thing is you must stay calm. No need to hurry. Indeed the final destination is tits, but it will be different in style if you do it by elegant way. Finally, happy trying!

Koeaingdiandjingkeunsiah!
...I don’t take any responsibilities on this article, particularly if you can make it: P

The library of bathroom

....Soekarno, that Javanese King, could stay some hours in the bathroom because he was very found of reading..... ( His former private bodyguard )

Iqra ! Read ! That was the first command of Allah SWT to Great Prophet Muhammad trough Jibril the foremost angel. It was great command as Muhammad was unliterary man. This great man would be the perfect mirror to all humankind later on. As we all know, literary rank used as a tool to show how advance the country is.

...reading is fun even you are in the middle of your natural
-calling session
just try it out !...

You can read everywhere, in the bus, bus stop, bus station, but among all bathrooms is the finest place. The idea is, if you get something out from your body (shit), you must get something in as well (knowledge). You can forget all your problems while you are in the bathroom. The dream bathroom is the one with a library within...

I have a dirty library-bathroom as on the up wall there laid many books, newspapers and any magazines I have read. Soekarno is not the only one; my brothers in law like to read while they shit. They like to read Intisari Magazine, collection of my father in law. Definitely all those magazines laid in a mess; it makes my mother in law going mad...

"Men, can not do something tidy..."

What so interesting in reading while shitting? It’s a little hard to explain, at least you can imagine to anywhere you like without going to go to there If I were in the middle of reading "Dibawah Bendera Revolusie" ( under revolutionary flag ) as if I were in Tjimahie district and asked to the peasant, Marhaen !

The art of reading....

"Hey brother, do you work on your own land ? "
"No Sir, this is owned by my landlord "
"What about the tools ?"
"Those are all mine..."
" Then whose bulls are those ?"
"Those are mine as well..."

Ever since that time the Marhaenism was born, actually it is a branch of sosio-communism.

Djroot...!
That is the sound of the releasing shit, and it makes you aware that you are still in the middle of shitting room.

Sometimes I have an idea that reading is just like drugs, it is addicted. Why is that so ? If I have my shitting time without any readings, it makes me nervous like don’t know what to do. It is just like an addiction right ? But this addiction is a good addiction indeed, it is better than smoking.

But still you have to aware, that you must to know the different between toilet paper and magazine paper. You can imagine if they both are exchanged each other, your reading collections soon will be shitty-smell. It is no funny at all if your bath room-Library is full of shitty-smell. No gain but pains, as you have to live with that shitty-smell...........

Koeaing!
Vising,Vikier,Visoeh
I shit, I read, and I wash

Biological MSG of Madame Loso

One day at the dining room of King Dewata Cengkar, King of The Giant Kings, said "It is my best dinner ever, it was very delicious therefore asks the chef to stand before me...."
"I aye sir..."

After several minutes...

"I come before you your majesty..."
"Hey you are the chef ?"
"I am your majesty...." he started to thrill...
"Today your cuisine is delicious, more delicious than before, tell me your special recipes ?"
"Please forgive me your majesty I could not tell the secret recipes of mine to you your majesty..."
"Do not ever lie to me !" the King started to get mad..."if you did not add some special recipes why it can be different in taste than before ?"
"I pledge my word to you your majesty I didn’t add any special receipes whatsoever...but..."
“But what bastard ?"
"I mean…I mean please forgive me your majesty, I cut my finger tips accidentally when I cut the onion, and my blood poured to your cuisine your Majesty..."

...After that day, The Giant King Dewata Cengkar must be served with blood-added cuisine to his daily menus, even later he wanted the human-flesh also; eventually he became a real cannibal.... ( The story of Ajisaka, the founder of Javanese fonts )

I experienced the same with King Dewata Cengkar did. It happened when I was going to a hiek, hiek is a Javanese small food and drinks vendor around Solo Regency. This habit came from The King Pakubuwono VIII. This Javanese King (might be inspired by Louis XVI) was very fond of eating. Every night he visited all the restaurants, cafes and any places that provided delicious foods....

...the taste of Saliva who will think it is going to add some delicioustaste...?

One of the famous hiek was The Madame Loso’s. She was old enough, white hair and wore the Javanese traditional costume, kemben. This hiek was nearby my house, most of the time I went to that place. This hiek has their special menus like the lemon drinks; the taste was far different with other hiek recipes. The sweet and sour taste was just match with my tongue, which was why I wondered with its secret recipes.

Madame Loso....

With all my parents prayers I did the honored duty, to find out the secret recipes of Madame Loso’s lemon drinks. I would do it by all means. I started to visit Madame Loso’s hiek more frequent, became twice a week. After a full month I kept my eyes on Madame Loso behaviors. Finally, I got the conclusion. I was sure enough to say that it would give us a big shock ! Because its secret recipes was on her saliva ! OMG…yes Oh…My...God ! Her saliva has made the lemon drinks became tasteful, but why ?

I could tell you the secret; every time we asked her for lemon drinks, she got the dirty mop to clean the cups first. Madame Loso herself has the abnormal teeth, it was too long to bear by her mouth, therefore the saliva just poured directly from her mouth, and the bad news was; it almost could not be stopped ! Therefore, the mixed of saliva and all bacteria in the dirty mops was served in our lemon drinks. That was it ! I, koeaing, revealed the biggest mystery of the ages !

The conclusion was; that saliva stuffs worked as the MSG worked to your cuisines. It was just like the biological MSG. Madame Loso might be the grand grand grand grand daughter of The King Dewata Cengkar’s chef, whose blood and sweat could turn that giant King became a cannibal. However, if you often give your bad words to tasteless cuisine of your mother, or wife, you don’t have to worry anymore. Just add some of your sweat, saliva or even blood to the cuisine, it might be delicious, depends on the quality of your sweat, saliva or blood. Maybe you are the grand grand grand grand children of The King Dewata Cengkar’s chef. Who knows ?

Koeaing !
The Aristocratic Midas